33 replies to this topic

[Slipery4life]

Chuck Norris's beard stop growing at the perfect length

[LongHaul]

Three for the price of one:

Fear of spiders is called arachnophobia, fear of tight spaces is called claustrophobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic.

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart would never be foolish enough to attack Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't need a watch. HE decides what time it is.

[Mother73]

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
because:
Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about

[Kenny]

Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together.

Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear rug. The bear isn't dead, it's just too afraid to move.

[michael star]

· When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris

· Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.

· Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just afriad to move.

· Once the cop pulled over Chuck Norris....the cop was lucky to leave with a warning.

· Chuck Norris won the World Series of Poker using Pokemon cards

· Some magicians can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.

· Chuck Norris won American Idol using only sign language

· Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter

· Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.

· Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke....that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.

· Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

· Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

· Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are known today as Giraffes.

·

· Instead of keeping a SCARE CROW in his field a farmer kept a photo of CHUCK NORRIS . . . . birds started bringing back grains taken last year.

· Dragonball Z was originally "Chuck Norris Z", it was rejected because everyone died in the first episode, and couldn't be wished back.

· Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

· Few people can go down Niagara Falls in a barrel. Only Chuck Norris can go up Niagra Falls in a cardboard box.

· When Chuck Norris stares at the Sun, the Sun goes blind.

· There is no CTRL key on Chuck Norris' keyboard cause Chuck Norris is always in control.

· Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.

[LongHaul]

Here's a few aviation-centric Norris facts:

• Chuck Norris has never landed with a crosswind. The wind would never dare get cross with Chuck Norris.
  
• When told to break at the numbers, Chuck Norris politely reminded the controller that Chuck Norris cannot be broken and proceeded with the straight in.
  
• Right of Way rules do not apply when Chuck Norris is flying. If you are flying toward Chuck Norris, you are wrong.
  
• Chuck Norris is the only person to graduate SERE School via correspondence.
  
• Chuck Norris isn't holding, he is circling above his victims.
  
• The weather outlook for the area around Chuck Norris : 100% Chance of Pain
  
• Chuck Norris failed his commercial checkride for being unable to do a lazy eight - Chuck Norris is never lazy.
  
• Chuck Norris can create lift without induced drag.
  

Sorry, I couldn't resist.

[TearsOfNorris]

alright, gotta say it:

Chuck Norris' tears heal incurable diseases, but Chuck Norris never cries.

[davis.agd]

When Chuck Norris jumps in the water, he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chucked.

[davis.agd]

Chuck Norris used his bare hands to build the log cabin in the woods that he was born in.

[lowryjer]

Yeah, reviving an old one:

Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 bad guys.  Then the grenade exploded.

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

On the 7th day, God asked Chuck Norris if he could take a break.

[Lao]

Ok, I'm a sucker...

The boogeyman checks the closet for Chuck Norris.

[tumbleweed]

Webster's Dictionary:  Chuck Norris (noun)(verb)(adjective) 1. BMF 2. Portrait of True Americana and one that just doesn't give a crap! 3. The only thing a honey badger fears.

[WarrenPeace]

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits.

[RHUDSO5]

Ok I have a couple.

Chuck Norris once entered a black hole just see what was in it. Disappointed, then walked out.

Chuck Norris was on the show 'Survivor' once. They made a movie about it. That movie was called Predator.

Chuck Norris can get Smokey the Bear to start a wildfire.