Use These Tips to Maximize Your Halloween Candy Haul

It’s Halloween night and the air is crisp as you fight through the crowded streets of candy seekers. You’ve got one goal in mind and that’s to maximize that candy return. Well you’re in luck because today we’ve assembled some Halloween tips to help you stay focused and pull in the sweets.

The Costume

Let’s put all the cards on the table, cuteness wins candy. That means whatever you can do to maximize that cuteness is going add bars to the bag. Consider animal costumes, particularly things like ladybugs and bumblebees.

Senior citizens love ladybugs, but fair warning, you’ll need to dodge their attempts to lob Werther’s Originals into your bag in favor of those Tootsie Rolls lurking at the bottom of the bowl. Nice try Grandma.

The Candy Bag

Rookies go for the plastic pumpkin. It’s a downright inefficient method for candy collection, with a small opening for deposits and a flimsy handle that’s sure to fail you at the wrong time.

True Halloween pros will stick to cloth bags with nice big openings. Ask your Mom to borrow a reusable shopping bag that she got from Whole Foods. Those suckers have sturdy straps and you’ll overload your arm’s carrying capacity before those bad boys snap on you.

Avoid “That House”

There’s one house on every street with a yard full of inflatables, pumping out the Halloween music. This is the house that’s usually giving out those full-size candy bars. (What many people would claim is the Holy Grail of Halloween candy collections.)

These houses are honeypot traps and they’ll lose you candy. The issue with these overcompensating houses is that they attract the masses, so the line to the door could be three or four superheroes and princesses deep. For efficiencies sake, you want to be averaging 45 seconds per house. Get in, get the goods and get out. Let the amateurs stand around watching the Frankenstein inflatable while you pillage the houses in the surrounding area. (Editor’s Note: We know. Frankenstein was the Doctor, not the monster. Stop bringing that up.)

Slow and Steady Wins the Race

Now that you’ve got the costume, the bag and the moves, you’re ready to lay claim to every chocolate bar, gummy snack and sugar bomb in a five-mile radius. This is your moment to shine and you have to focus on being the turtle, not the hare. (Unless your costume is a hare, then be the turtle while you’re the hare.)

Don’t let any haters get in your way either. You’re never too old to be trick or treating; you just need a better mask to help hide those 37-year-old wrinkles from the neighbors. Additionally, practice your cardio in case you have to duck the fuzz because one of your neighbors thought it was “creepy” that you were out in a ladybug costume at 11 p.m. (It’s called maximizing returns Debbie.)

Overall, get out there and have fun. After following the sarcastic tips above, you’ll be weighing all the candy you brought in, rather than counting it by the piece. You’re also going to need this ITS article at some point…

Happy Halloween from the ITS Crew!